Original Paragraph
As recent generations are growing up with more access to technology at a younger age, the way in which people make connections with each other is bound to change. Kids who are raised using technology as a way to form relationships with others as if it is equivalent to physical interaction won’t have the same types of relationships with their peers as the kids who put more emphasis on face to face interactions. Meeting people in person and becoming close with them by spending substantial time together and having real conversations is the best way in which you can connect with someone on a personal level. Some things that may change if people start treating online and real life friendships as equal are the age at which children begin to make friends. For instance, if a child has access to technology from a younger age than the generations growing up currently, kids in the next generation may start forming relationships with others sooner than this generation did. However since these interactions would be mainly made online rather than in person, they will experience childhood friendship in different ways than current college freshmen did. However, one positive result that could come from this is a way to keep friendships that you made in your childhood after the group or pair splits apart and isn’t able to be physically close to each other anymore.
Revised Paragraph
As new generations are growing up, children seem to have more access to technology such as phones, iPads, computers, and video games. As these kids are growing up and experiencing childhood differently than previous generations did, the way in which people make connections with each other is bound to change. For example, kids who are raised using technology as a way to form relationships with others as if it is equivalent to physical interaction won’t have the same types of relationships with their peers as the kids who put more emphasis on face to face communication. Meeting people in person and becoming close with them by spending substantial time together and having real conversations is the best way in which you can connect with someone on a personal level. Some things that may change if people start treating online and real life friendships as equal are the age at which children begin to make friends. For instance, if a child has access to technology from a younger age than the generations growing up currently, kids in the new generation may start forming relationships with others sooner than older generations did. However since these interactions would be mainly made online rather than in person, they will experience childhood friendship in different ways than current college freshmen did. For example many kids my age used to call their friends on the landline to talk to them when they got home from school. Kids that are growing up today can simply text or facetime their friend to talk to them. However, one positive result that could come from this is a way to keep friendships that you made in your childhood. Most kids become friends either because they live near each other or they go to school together. When they start to grow up and split apart more, technology would be able to keep them in contact if they so choose.
What Changes Were Made?
First I listed some examples of technology that kids seem to be using in order to specify how they’re communicating. I figured that this gave a better idea about the types of technology that kids are using if people who aren’t around that age group much don’t know what many of them have access to. Next I added some more specifics regarding how the childhood of most kids growing up in America today is very different from the way that people my age experienced childhood. Again, for people that aren’t around kids growing up today and don’t know what their typical days look like. Also to showcase how in less than twenty years so much can change regarding how kids grow up. Most adults assume that since teenagers have access to technology now that they grew up with it, but for most of us this isn’t the case. I used specific examples from my childhood in order to put into perspective how much life has actually changed in the past several years.
