Rough Draft https://docs.google.com/document/d/1q3XsU8XYiYFIAXTxSvUa5I8PJtKQhl-_UXPcaJTNxgQ/edit?usp=sharing
Final Draft https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qax6RuNjXnWetceQ_RRvuUoxZNxA13Nz_TbmFTIrmuw/edit?usp=sharing
For this learning outcome I chose to take a look at my first and final drafts of my third essay, in which I argued that college athletes deserve to get paid. The first big thing that I did when editing my paper was add two Barclay paragraphs since I didn’t have any in my first draft. Although this was a requirement, I think that this really helped strengthen my essay especially the one on page three. I was able to compare two of my sources in one paragraph while also including some naysayer aspects, and more evidence to back up my thesis. My second biggest edit I think was adding more text evidence and direct quotes to my essay. In the first draft I only had one quote out of all of my sources, but I think that when I added more and also added more explanation of each quote in order to back up my argument it helped strengthen my argument a lot.
Another aspect of revision that I tried to focus on was making my sentences less wordy. I’m not sure how well I succeeded at this but I tried to go through and read the whole essay out loud at least three times to try to find spots where I could make my wording more concise. I also went through and made sure that all my transitions were smooth and that when I connected pieces of my argument, especially when I incorporated a naysayer, that it flowed well and was easy for anyone to follow.
I can tell from my first essay to my last that the changes I need to make after my first draft are a lot less drastic. In my second and third essays my set up and structure was solid in my first drafts and I mostly focused on smaller details during my revision. This made it clear to me that I am able to get my point across and layout my papers well the first time around, and focus more on the quality and readability of my writing during revision.
