How is the personal political for you?
When I first think of the ways that the personal is political in my own life, the first thing I think about is my career and the money that comes with that. I’m fortunate enough to have been given a quality education all throughout my life which puts me in the best position possible to build a successful career for myself. However, one thing that I think the self-identifying women of UNE all have in common is the subconscious sense that once we graduate none of us will be receiving the pay that we deserve for the amount of work that we have done. It’s almost unmotivating in itself that no matter how well we perform in comparison to our male counterparts that we will never be recognized or rewarded as such. This idea also goes back to the conversation we had last week about the make-up of the faculty that we have at our university, specifically tenured professors. It’s ironic to think about all the examples of institutions which employ a diverse population of people, yet the make-up of the administration is not representative.
Another example that comes to mind is the way that my life simultaneously is and is not guided by my role as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. Although the stares I get and the discomfort I sometimes feel seems unique in the moment I know that it is due to larger systems of heteronormativity at work. In other ways however, I find myself feeling excluded because of the ways that I don’t fit into a stereotypical label of a lesbian, but really…who does? It’s an interesting dichotomy wherein I’m criticized or told that I’m “confusing” for not fulfilling the role that people expect me to, yet when I do I am criticized just in a different way. It’s crazy to think that entire groups of people can feel the same sense of confusion that I do, yet we all think it’s a personal experience because we don’t allow ourselves to open up about it. It truly mind boggles me that there are some individuals who come into the world with an unquestioned right to love who they want and marry whoever they so choose, yet for a specific group of “others” the same rules don’t apply. The personal is political for me because I must think about the way that it may make other people feel when I walk down the street holding my girlfriend’s hand.
Not only this, but it is unsurprising that I still find myself struggling with body consciousness and appearance issues even though in a romantic way I don’t consciously look for the validation or approval of males. I know that this is something that a lot of other lesbian women struggle with as well, as I’ve seen the topic flooding social media more recently. It’s helpful to have people online who support one another and validate individuality. However, on a day to day basis I still struggle with what to wear, feeling a divide between what I can find myself comfortable in and what the current perception of “fashionable” is. I struggle with the fact I don’t wear makeup and think often about whether that makes me less attractive to those who pass me by. And I often think about the way that I will have to dress should I decide to make a career for myself in academia. I know that if I do, I will be subject to scrutiny and judgement from others, and I will be constrained into the barriers of what my employers want me to wear and what they deem appropriate. I hate that.
